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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" >Black
Eye First guy Wow. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the Breakfast table with my wife and I wanted to say, "Please pass the Wheaties." But I accidentally said, "You ruined my life you stupid bitch". A man was driving down a deserted highway, and notices a sign that reads.....SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks it was a figment of his imagination...drives on. Soon,
he sees another sign which says...SISTERS
OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES. Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough,
there is a third...SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls into the driveway.
On the side of the parking lots, is a somber stone building with
a sign on the door that reads...SISTERS OF MERCY He climbs the steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a
nun
in a long black habit, who asks, "What may we do for you, my
son?" "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing some business"...he answers. "Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is led through many winding passages, and soon he is very disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on
this door," and leaves. He places the money in the nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY. Love Dress A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies the mom. When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!" Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction, "Honey, what are you doing?" She gives him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!" One day at the end of class little Geoffrey's
teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that
story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell his story.
Little Joey raises his hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the
chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." An
8-year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girl's house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the
girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game,
and only boys can have a football!" The little girl runs into the house and cries to
her mother "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out
and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on
his bike. She holds up the football "Nah Nah Na Nah Nah". The little boy angrily
points to his bike and says "Oh yeah, well this is a boy's bike and only boys get
boy's bikes and you can't have one!" She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting
for him on her new boy's bike.The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and
pointing to his most private of parts says "Look, only boys have these and your mom
can't buy you one!!!". The next day he walks by and asks her "Well, I guess I
showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and
proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many
of A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and Her son said,"All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the Hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches Who are returning and want to get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we're going down the tracks!" The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use That kind of language in this house. Now go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language". Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing With his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon". She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, We ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, There is no smoking on the train.We hope you will have a pleasant and Relaxing journey with us today". The mother could only smile, thinking her son had learned his lesson. But then, the child added, "And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, see the bitch in the kitchen." A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!" SEX SHOP A white woman walks into a sex shop and approaches the counter. She asks, 'How much for the white dildo?' He answers, '$35.' She 'How much for the black one?' He '$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.' She 'I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before.' She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks 'How much for the black dildo?' He '$35.' She 'How much for the white one?' He '$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.' She 'Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before...' She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, 'How much are your dildos?' He '$35 for the white, $35 for the black.' She 'Hmmmmm.... how much is that plaid one on the shelf?' He 'Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165.' She thinks for a moment and answers, 'I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before....'She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, 'How did you do while I was gone?' To which the salesman responded, 'I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!' >> One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he
is wallowing in despair,he has his first meeting with a demon. Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell! Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinking man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it! Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember? Guy: Wow...that's...awesome! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do. Demon: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow. Demon: You into drugs? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want - you're dead who cares! O.D.!! Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!! Demon: You gay? Guy: No.... Demon: "Ooooh," (grimaces) "You're gonna hate Fridays." IS THIS YOU? The Following goes for WebSluts updating their site for their horny piggy fans too! BEEN ONLINE..... 1. You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged
off.
THE NEW HOOKER Christmas Humor......
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