More Jokes For
Ya
Page 2
There was a guy who had been
having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of
frustration, he finally breaks down and goes to the doctor. The
doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the
diagnosis. "Well, there's good news and there's bad news,"
she says. "The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are
deteriorating, and there is no cure." The guy, on the verge of
panic, finally regains his composure. "So what's the good
news?" he asks. The doctor says, "There is an experimental
treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves
transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your
penis. Would you like to try it?"
The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of
going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for
me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it." So the doctor performs
the operation. A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to
a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the
table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively
worse until it reaches the point of being painful. Seeking relief, he
reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.
Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the table
top and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.
"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was
impressive! Can you do that again?" Eyes watering and face
flushed, he says, "Probably...But I don't know If I can fit
another dinner roll up my ass!">
THE OTHER HAND
The teacher has set the class an assignment. He stresses the>
importance of the particular assignment, and that no excuses will be
accepted except illness (with a medical certificate)
or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
responds with: "Well, Jones, I guess you'll have to learn to
write with your other hand."
WHO ARE THE BEST WOMEN TO MARRY?
___________________________________
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for
their
honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Joe the
Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Joe showed them to their room and
thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to
be hot
The second man married a telephone operator. Joe showed
them to
their room and thought to himself, "Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
The third man married a school teacher. Joe showed them to their
room and thought to himself "poor guy, she's pretty but teachers
The next morning Joe reported to work at 5:30 in the morning.
He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast
any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
The phone rings it's the nurse's husband wanting breakfast.
The nurse's husband opened the door and Joe stepped back in
shock.
The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
Joe asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse.
All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying "
you're not sanitary, you're not sanitary". Joe went back
down to
the main desk to wait for the next call.
>The telephone operator's husband calls for breakfast.
Joe brings it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The
man
opens the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man's
hair and
pajamas were properly combed and pressed. Joe asks,"
What happened?
Telephone operators are suppose to be as sexy as their
voices."
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone
operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice
saying,
"your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Joe went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers
husband
will be calling any minute.
The teacher's husband called for breakfast. Joe can't
believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room.
The man opened the door and Joe took a step back in shock.
The
wore only his boxers and his hair was a mess. He had
scratch
marks on his chest, arms and legs. Joe fearing the worst
asked "
What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"
The man smiles and happily replies,
"No. Son, when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher.
All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice
saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get
right."
The CIA has an opening for an assassin. After sending some
applicants
through numerous background checks, training
and testing, they narrowed
the choice down to three candidates: two men
and one woman. The day came
for the final test to see which would get the
assassin job. The CIA
agents administering the test took one of the
men to a large metal door,
handed him a gun and said, "We must know
that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside this room you will
find your wife sitting in a chair. Take
this gun and kill her." The man
looked shocked. Finally he said,
"You can't be serious! I could never
shoot my own wife!" "You're not the
right man for this job. "says the CIA
They bring the second man to the same door
and hand him a gun. The CIA
agent gives the second man the same
instructions as the first. The second
man looks a bit shocked, but he takes the gun
and goes into the room.
All's quiet for several minutes, then the
door opens. The man comes out
of the room with tears in his eyes.
"I tried to shoot her, but I just
couldn't kill my wife. I guess I'm not
the right man for the job." "No,"
the CIA agent replies, "You don't have
what it takes. Take your wife and
The CIA agents take the woman for her turn.
They lead her to the same
door to the same room and hand her the same
gun. "We must be sure that
you will follow instructions no matter what
the circumstances. This is
your final test. Inside you will find
your husband sitting in a chair.
Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun and opens the door.
Before the door even closes
the agents hear the gun start firing.
One shot after another for 13
shots. Then all hell breaks loose.
They hear screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls. This goes on for
a couple of minutes, then all's
quiet. The door opens slowly, and there
stands the woman. She wipes the
sweat from her brow and says, "You guys
didn't tell me the gun was loaded
with blanks! I had to beat him to death
with the chair!"
3 Gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers were all
at the >funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what
they planned to do >with the ashes.
1st man said " My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane
and scatter >his ashes in the sky."
2nd man said "My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to
scatter his ashes >in our favorite lake."
3rd man said "My Perry was such a good lover, I think I'm going
to dump his >ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear up my ass just
one more time."
ON THEIR FIRST NIGHT TO BE TOGETHER, THE NEWLY WED COUPLE GO TO
CHANGE.
